As I’ve grown older, I’ve encountered things that have made me uncomfortable or scared, and some of these things don’t bother me anymore, but there are a few that still bother me to this day. I’m much more mature than I was in school and college, and know that some of my fears are silly or dumb. Although they make me anxious, I’ve always told myself I wont let my fears control me or make me miss out on something I want to do just because i’m too afraid, and I’ve done some incredible things because of this. Today I want to talk about my fears.

Lets take it back to secondary school. Like a lot of people growing up, I have experienced anxiety. One of the first times I remember having a panic attack was in secondary school. I was sat in assembly like any other day, but today my palms were sweaty, my knee was bouncing up and down and I tried to focus on that instead of my breathing which was becoming sporadic and causing even more anxiety to build up inside me. Everyone knows assemblies aren’t particularly interesting, and tend to feel like they last a hell of a lot longer than they actually are, but this time it felt like i’d been sat there for an entire lifetime. I couldn’t wait to get out.
I had a lot going on in my life at the time, and this probably contributed to my growing anxiety, but assemblies quickly became something I dreaded, and eventually I stopped going to them all together. I began to research why I felt that way, and once I’d pin pointed some other places that made me feel the same way (such as roller coasters and lifts) I narrowed it down to Agoraphobia. It wasn’t crowds or large spaces that made me panic, it was the fear of being trapped in these situations/places that put me on edge, but once i’d left school it was easily avoidable. I would take the stairs instead of a lift, or simply not ride big roller coasters because I knew once I got on there was no getting off until the ride was over.
It was only when my Auntie booked us a once in a lifetime trip to LA for my Birthday that I felt the same anxiety I remembered experiencing in school. I was terrified to get on that plane. I’d never had an issue with flying before, and had been on a few trips when I was younger, but it had been maybe 5 or 6 years since i’d been on a plane, and the thought of being trapped inside a giant metal container for 11 hours really had me worried. I don’t really remember looking forward to the holiday because I was so stressed out about the flight. I remember sitting in the airport, trying to calm myself down before boarding the plane, because I was getting on whether I liked it or not. The fact that my Auntie had spent so much money on the trip also played a part in guilting me onto the plane, because I wasn’t about to let her lose all that money just because I was too scared to fly.
Luckily, once I was seated on the plane I remember feeling calmer, and after take off most of my anxiety dissolved. The rest of the flight went smoothly, and we both had an amazing trip. This was definitely a turning point for me, and showed me that although I was scared, mentally I was stronger than my fear and didn’t let it stop me from doing something I really wanted to do. Since then I’ve travelled all over the world.

Since getting over my agoraphobia, my biggest fear would have to be heights. The first encounter I remember of this fear was at Warwick Castle about 10 years ago. I was there with my mum, and we both had an amazing day, but when it was time to climb the tower I couldn’t do it. I began to panic, and refused to go up. It was probably a mixture of the heights, but also my fear of being trapped that stopped me from going up the tower that day, because the spiral staircase was incredibly tight to get up and down, and I was afraid once i’d got up there I wouldn’t be able to get down again. Ever since this experience, I’ve always had a mild fear of heights. I haven’t let this control my life, and in more recent years I’ve been exposing myself to heights to try and combat the fear. Last year I did two different zip lines, two sets of high ropes, a giant swing and a free fall which is over 100ft high, and I hope to do more of this stuff in the future, even if it does make me incredibly nervous.

My second biggest fear is currently being stung. Stay with me, I know its silly, but anyone who knows me knows how fast I run away screaming at the first sight of a wasp or a bee. Its pretty ridiculous, I’ve been stung by both insects and know i’m not allergic to them, but I still have this irrational fear of being stung. It doesn’t end at wasps and bee’s, i’m also scared of jellyfish and scorpions because of their stingers.

Of course there are other things that I think are scary, like dying or the dark, but I wouldn’t say I fear them, so i’m ending the list there. Let me know what kind of things you fear, or if you’ve ever overcome a fear, i’d love to hear all about it!